My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're a disaster
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