How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
