ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
