I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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