She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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