wanna go halves on a baby?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
