we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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