I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Everclear isn't food dammit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i believe in u and ur pee
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
