Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
