We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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