is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
