Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
