I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
