I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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