Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
