i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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