Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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