we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
