well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
