There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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