My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
