My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
