textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
