the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
