I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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