I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
