she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
