So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
