I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
