You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
