Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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