just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
