Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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