the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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