Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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