if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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