Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm too high and old for this...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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