I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
