coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
