He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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