you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
