seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
