The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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