Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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