my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
