I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
