Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
