I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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