I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
