Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
