Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
