We won't sleep together?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
