I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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