dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
