When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Welp...herpes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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