he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
