Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
how drunk are you?
Several
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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