he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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