Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
