If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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