I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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