You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
