i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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